The Best 230 Sports Jokes Part 1. Number 60 will leave you crying!
1. Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball? Because if he raised them both, he’d fall down.
2. Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. “I blame the general manager,” said the first fan. “If he signed better players, we’d be a great team.” “I blame the players,” said the second fan. “If they made more of an effort, we’d score some points.” “I blame my parents,” said the third. “If I’d been born in New England, I’d be supporting a decent team.”
3. Why is Yankee Stadium the coolest place to be? It’s full of fans.
4. I kept wondering why the football was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
5. An apartment building is on fire and people are at the window, screaming for help. “Just jump out the window,” a man yells. “I’m a cricket player. I can catch you.” One smart resident decided to get more information, first. “Wait,” he said. “What team do you play for?” “I play for England” shouts the man. “Ehhhh,” shrugs the resident. “I’ll take my chances with the fire.”
6. Why are umpires always overweight? It’s their job to clean their plates.
7. What’s a baseball player do when his eyesight starts to fail him? He takes a job as an umpire.
8. Why can’t basketball players go on vacation? They aren’t allowed to travel.
9. Why was the basketball player sitting on the sidelines drawing chickens? Coach told her to learn how to draw fouls.
10. What does a basketball player do once he loses his sight? They become a referee.
11. What do you call 11 millionaires gathered around the TV to watch the Champions League Final? Manchester Cities first team.
12. What’s the difference between LeBron James and time? Time actually passes.
13. Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
14. Why do football players like smart women? Well you know, opposites attract.
15. What do you get when you cross a running back and the Invisible Man? Scoring like no one has ever seen.
16. How are scrambled eggs and Tottenham Hotspur the same? They’ve both been beaten a lot!
17. Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film? They turned him down, saying “You cannot be Sirius!”
18. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team? They needed a little team spirit.
19. What’s harder to catch the faster you run? Your breath, of course.
20. What would you call one of the world’s greatest hockey player if he’d decided not to play hockey? Wayne Regretsky.
21. What does a cricketer and a magician have in common? They both do hat tricks.
22. How do hockey players kiss? They pucker up.
23. What’s the difference between basketball players and soccer players? Basketball players get actual injuries.
24. How many teeth does a hockey player have? Don’t you mean tooth?
25. Soccer is surprisingly relevant to my life. Just consider the lack of goals.
26. Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer? They watch cricket, instead.
27. What’s the difference between England and a teabag? The teabag stays in the cup longer.
28. What’s is called when a dinosaur gets a goal? A dino-score.
29. A man leaves home, makes three left turns and is on his way back home when he notices two men in masks waiting for him. They’re the catcher and umpire.
30. What’s the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire? One steals watches and one watches steals.
31. What’s a ghost’s favorite soccer position? Ghoul keeper.
32. Which goalie can jump higher than the crossbars? All of them. Crossbars can’t jump.
33. Why can’t you play soccer in the jungle? There’s too many cheetahs!
34. Why did the soccer ball quit the team? He was tired of being kicked around.
35. Why should you never date tennis players? To them, Love means nothing.
36. I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
37. The boating store was having a big sale on canoes. There were lots of people there, It was quite the oar deal.
38. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? A. In case he got a hole in one.
39. A first-grade teacher can’t believe her student isn’t super excited about the Super Bowl. “It’s a huge event. Why aren’t you excited?” “Because I’m not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,” says the student. “Well, that’s a lousy reason,” says the teacher. “What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?” “Then I’d be a football fan.”
40. Why are frogs so good at basketball? They always make the jump shots.
41. Two runners are out training in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.” The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries. “He says you’re gonna die.”
42. “I was playing chess with my friend, and he said, ‘Let’s make this more interesting.’ So we stopped playing chess.”
43. Standing on the sidelines, during a game being played by my school’s football team, I saw one of the players take a hard hit. He tumbled to the ground and didn’t move. We grabbed our first-aid gear and rushed out onto the field. The coach picked up the young man’s hand and urged, “Son, can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no.”
44. A lady was sprawled on the living-room couch watching my favorite show on the Food Network when her husband walked in. “Why do you watch those food shows?” he asked. “You don’t even cook.” Glaring back at him, I asked, “Then why do you watch soccer?”
45. Looking down the stairs at a football game, a fan spots an open seat on the 50-yard line. He asks the man sitting next to it if the seat is taken. “No,” he replies. “I used to take my wife to all the games, but ever since she passed away, I’ve gone alone.” “Why don’t you invite a friend?” “I can’t. They’re all at the funeral.”
46. How do you say “Floyd Mayweather jnr” in Chinese? Ka Ching.
47. When the patient was wheeled into the emergency room, I could tell he was out of it. I asked if he knew the date. He didn’t. “Do you know what season it is?” He thought a moment. “Baseball?”
48. If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would’ve placed 4th so I wouldn’t have to climb onto the Podium.
49. After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in Rio Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil. He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
50. Have you guys tried the new sport of blindfold archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.
51. A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun. “It’s for my husband,” she tells the clerk “Did he tell you what gauge to get?” asked the clerk. “Are you kidding?” she says. “He doesn’t even know that I’m going to shoot him!”
52. What is the noisiest sport? Racquetball
53. Why is suntanning not an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.
54. What sport is played by angry French people? Lacrosse.
55. I’m sporting a quarantine beard. I didn’t like it at first, but it’s growing on me.
56. Why doesn’t the fastest land animal get to participate in any sports? Because he’s a cheetah.
57. What are we to do with all the canceled sporting events due to Covid? Well, we are going to televise the world origami championships live it will be on “paper view”!!!
58. What do you call a cat with a sports car? A furr-ari…
59. My favourite sport of Rugby says a lot about my life. It has a breakdown every ten seconds, and so do I.
60. I just bought a 2 million pound house and a 500,000 pound sports car with my beautiful new wife and signed a new 5 contract to play for Bayern Munich. Yes, my life has certainly gotten better since I took up lying.
61. I’m thinking of taking a job as a crowd estimator of sporting events. I wonder how many people are in that field.
62. A blind man was describing his favorite sport-parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him. “I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go.” “But how do you know when you are going to land?”, he was asked. “Well, I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground”, he answered. “But how do you know when to lift your legs for your final arrival on the ground?”, he was asked again. He quickly answered, “Oh that? The dog’s leash goes slack!”
63. What is cardboard’s favorite sport? Boxing.
64. What US state loves a sport so much they named themselves after it? It’s tennis, see?
65. Why doesn’t Cinderella play sports? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach, and runs away from the ball.